Well, I keep on hearing that ‘Army is a hierarchy based organisation.‘ Well that is true. Then I also keep on listening that ‘this hierarchy exist also among the Army wives.’ Well that is also true! But do you really think ‘Hierarchy’ is some evil badge adopted by evil people only? Like hierarchy, seniority and position are few humongous words which can also be associated with responsibility, generosity, leadership,management and pressure! Why? Don’t you think so? Now, I never understand this taboo that all senior ladies are aristocratic bitches whose only job in the world is to suck up some junior wives blood. Really? Then comes this most loved dialogue of all the time ‘army is still wandering in those stone age caves and prehistoric jungles and we really need to change this up.‘ Lolzzz! And you know what ? This much loved dialogue is being used since 1960s and those same people who once in a while quoted this dialogue over those sizzling cocktails in a social evening turn to say that‘ Oh Army is great and people are lovely. I miss my times here.’ but yeah, they waited them to be retired to say this affectionately and proudly declare to the world ‘yes I was apart of this great great organisation and there is nothing wrong with it.’ What? You think I am exaggerating? Well do you remember any veteran throwing shits around when they are coordially invited to those social evenings? They love it and give us reasons to cherish too.
Then? What is so wrong here? Keeping aside all the cribs of MES not working, shitty quarters, pathetic schools and what not I will focus only on ‘Senior ladies’ who according to some are seriously constipated souls and out of all the things in the world they only like to indulge themselves into finding newer ways to torture junior ladies. First of all, please try to accept one universal rule out of Physics books that ‘No system is created perfect and a perfect system is only suppose to collapse .’ You can simply take it this way that ‘Imperfections are created to sustain that perfect system.’
I agree, few senior ladies are constipated and serious full time bitches but then this also implies to some junior ladies too who are more constipated and bigger bitches.’ Yeyy! Okay now you are free to stone me to death. But see I was just trying to be quirky and what I mean to say is that ‘Being a bitch is not the virtue of position or seniority, it’s the serious disbalance of your behavioural and mental equation.’ A senior lady can also be sweet and a junior lady can also be sweeter. Why blaming the entire fraternity for it? Who does that? I have found many senior ladies extremely sweet,helpful,caring and genuine angels. And trust me none of my COs wives are here and I have no reason to say that (Thank god for that) It’s how I found army and senior ladies! God bless them all ! Anyway the point is at the same time I have found some newly weds or captain’s or major’s wife extremely non tolerable who would just blow anyone’s self esteem and tear apart your whole existence and God bless their CO’s wives again. But have you ever heard that junior ladies are bitches? No! But yea how can anybody be spared, so the myth around junior ladies are ‘ Today’s young wives are so career oriented. They want all the luxuries and not contribute to the organisation. All they want is to stay separate and not support their husbands.’ And then come those iconic statements of travelling on ‘Dhai tons or Shaktimans and living in tents.’
Okay? Seriously now who think that way? You really think all the young wives are like that? And all are wedded to olive greens just to suck the blood out of their husbands and stab their bank balances? Nope! This organisation is still moving because the work force (Yea the younger lot is the work force and the senior lot are the leaders) is still contributing. The entire Indian army , the lakhs of cantonments and numerous AWWA activities can not function without the dedication from the work force. So yeah ! Think statistically, there are still junior ladies who are just not money mongers and dedicate themselves to this organisation as much as you did. But yeah that is a sad truth that they get to travel in gypsies while you sulked in Shaktimaans but see it’s just like that LED TV at your home which replaced the black and white one.
So basically there are two things which summarizes this whole melodrama. ‘Change is inevitable and accept it. And Being a bitch is just an individual characteristic and stop blaming the entire fraternity for it. ‘So no more generalised statements,it might hurt few people..oopss Ladies! Now there are few pearls of wisdom to both the lots and I know, I am no one to suggest that but feel free not to read it and if you do then that is your choice to read what I feel should be done. I repeat ‘I feel’. So here we go.
–Don’t expect senior ladies to make the first move to interact with you. It’s your call. But if your senior ladies are nice enough to communicate with you. Feel thankful but not granted.
-Don’t judge the senior lady in your first or second meeting itself. Kill that urge to call her a bitch at the first few initial meetings. Wait,if she is… time will come. But wait!
-Don’t indulge yourself into those bitching sessions about your CO’s wife.Especially when you are new to the station. Take your own time to develop your own perception.Then bitch…hehe! Yeah it’s a woman’s birthright.
-Develop cordial terms with the other ladies of the unit too. Also just don’t stuck up being ‘First lady woman’ only. You know what I mean!
Contribute to the organisation honestly and yes it’s your job only and your CO’s wife is not suppose to dance when you are there. Even if it’s not written somewhere, please have some morals.
If you are not comfortable doing something try to talk about it to the first lady herself than cribbing about it here and there.
Try to understand that you will neither get sweet senior ladies at every station nor evil senior ladies at every other station. Change is the only constant. It’s a phase and it will pass.
SENIOR LADIES (elders)
–Don’t try to judge the junior lady at your first few initial meeting too. Give her a chance to prove herself.
-Before talking about her to your husband or any other person take time to really really know her. You have no rights to ruin a person’s name for the heck of it.
-Before demanding any sort of job done from a junior lady please be sure of her capabilities. Not everyone can sing nor everyone can dance! So no hard feelings! Don’t force her. Trust me it’s not worth it.
-Distribute jobs equally. Never laden one person with all the tasks. Distribute the jobs as their willingness and preferably choices.
-Never ever be a listener to back bitings about a particular lady of your own unit by other lady. Have mercy, good or bad she is part of your own team. So judge and act as per your judgments.
-Try to be always polite and humble even if you are on the verge of those volcanic eruptions. That is what you have to teach to the junior ladies out of all the things you have to teach.
-There’s nothing wrong to have favourites.With some people you connect instantly and there’s no harm in developing a nice cozy relationship out of hierarchies but just don’t ever be unfair to the other ladies. So yeah shower all your love to whosoever you feel like but don’t discard others out of your social life.
-And please spare people from your ‘Humare jamane me’ lectures. Trust me nobody is interested what was happening in 1950s.
-And yeah, remember it’s just a phase too,it will pass. So try to establish good relationships with all the ladies (senior or junior ) and try to make a difference genuinely. I am sure if not much then too at some level you surely can utilise your current position positively. You will only be remembered for that!
And at last we all are sisters and let us help each other in growing together.
And A bigger hail to all the Army wives and some more links on them
P.S- Happiness is not around you but inside you!
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