Emotional blackmail: A man’s perspective!

Well if you are a man ( I just mean male species on that evolutionary tree!) and if you have ever heard any of the below mentioned dialogues then you need to read this.

  • “Now who takes care of ageing parents?”
  • “Today’s kids throw their parents out of their house.”
  • ” My neighbor’s kids are so obedient. It’s rare to find such gems these days.”
  • “Honey if ever you will leave me, I will kill myself.”
  • “Sweetie if ever I find you talking to that girl again, You will see what I can do!”
  • “My parents never treated me like that and you just don’t care about me.”
  • “Why can’t I have your bank account details? You don’t trust me!”
  • “Your mom hates me. How can you still possibly love me and be quiet?”
  • “You want me to work? All you care about is money. It’s better you give me divorce.”
  • “Your family insults me every time I meet them. Still you want to be in touch with them! And here I left everything for you.”
  • “I know I should not have done that but please forgive me as you know I love you and I cannot be without you.”
  • ” Buddy, If you won’t borrow me the money then she will break off with me and you know I can’t ask more from my parents.”

I can’t even type all the possible such stuffs but It’s basically like this when something unreasonable or against your wish is being demanded by a person close to you ( parents, wife, girlfriend, friend or relations really close to your heart!), your head is paining, heart is full of obligation,eyes are burning,throat is dry and wants to shout while hands feel like gesturing ‘stop’ just stop!

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Then you are possibly being emotionally blackmailed! You might realize it or you might not even realize it but you definitely feel pressure,your life and lifestyle is not the same carefree sparkle but full of dull and lethargic moments. You don’t feel like talking to friends and family or you don’t have space to connect and communicate with them freely. Well these are all very very bad signs and  I am talking  blackmailing against men strictly as Violence against both the genders are reality but as society accepts the violence against women openly, the violence against men is less talked about ( masculine image or fear of loosing respect etc). Men are less physically abused than women but definitely more emotionally blackmailed than women. And it is a form of violence.

Interestingly the definition of emotional blackmailing is ” A system of threat and punishments using FOG ( Fear, Obligation, Guilt) in an attempt to control someone’s behavior.”

Blankly you can call it an emotional ransom note which says if you don’t behave as per my whims and fancies I will squeeze your heart and make the juice.

Now, an emotional blackmail consist of four components.

A demand

A threat

A black mailer

A victim

So the blackmailer demands something which victim feels is totally unreasonable and by giving in the blackmailer will gain the upper hand over him emotionally, financially or it may comprise upper hand in any field of his life which is important to him.

Now the blackmailer feels that he/she can get what he wants if he/she applies enough pressure on victim nicely playing on all the aspects or people of his life which matters to him.So now the threat is applied using all the key elements which the sick and cynical mind of blackmailer  can process (yes! Tears, fake suicide attempts, fake killings, shouting, heart attacks, no food, forced sickness, I love you, I am so dependent on you)

Now not necessarily a black mailer is a ‘bastard’. He/She may be a respectable pillar of society and totally responsible too but they basically suffer from the syndrome of loosing control over you(sometimes just to have the upper hand) and Gotcha all their bitch sensors swing in full mood.Such people don’t even realize the pain they are inflicting upon you (and ultimately upon them! Yes, that’s the only end of such stories).

Now the victims who undergo blackmailing are normally smart people and they might be totally accomplished  (from business empire tycoon to Raju ‘Chaiwala’). They may be dealing with thousand people on daily basis but but they are being emotionally drenched out on the constant basis. The fear of loosing that one person, The obligation of fulfilling his duties or the guilt of not doing something right is always there in the heart. So how do you know that your being blackmailed? Well read it!

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SIGNS/SYMPTOMS

  • All the near and dear ones are kicked out of your life slowly and gradually with whom you once liked to share your problems or simply loved to talk.
  • You have forgot to crack jokes or laugh often.
  • There’s no only friends ‘hang outs’ anymore in fact you hardly get time to talk to them.
  • You are always in defensive mode.
  • Every single rumor or laugh feels like targeted to you.
  • You were hardly bothered about anything before but now you are scared of your future.
  • You are constantly falling sick (yeah! remember mind is the master of the body)
  • You hide in your bathroom or closet and then bother to call near and dear ones.
  • You hesitate to do as you like to want/talk before the blackmailer (even your subconscious mind ‘s aware of that pressure)
  • You like to be angry all the time or spend time in your shell.
  • You are turning towards bad, behaving bad towards other people yourself.

In short you become miserable and loose all the sparkles of your life! So these are few signs of being emotionally black mailed. The list is huge as it is customized for victim so varies from person to person.

HOW TO DEAL

  • Never ever give in to the demands and I repeat it never ever (once given is always granted)
  • Realize blackmailer is not like you and unlikely to respond positively to arguments or reasons
  • Never disclose things close to your heart (which you unknowingly do by taking sides or fighting’s)
  • Don’t ever give a hint of your fears, failures,friends or enemy
  •  Never disclose your resource details to him/ her (money, well wishers)
  • Never allow yourself to be blamed for somebody else’s bad behaviour or myseries.
  • Don’t stay in a situation where mental or physical violence has started( fight hard for it.)
  • Always share your problems with your well wishers ( no matter how judgmental they turn to)
  • Always defend your boundaries and space.
  • Try to remove at least one component of blackmailing from your life( if you can’t get rid of your sorry victim status or blackmailer try to detach your self from demand or threat).
  • Be mentally strong and remember that someone can black mail you only if you allow it.
  • Most importantly maintain a financial independence (no joint account, no ATM card sharing)
  • And yes before committing anything stupid (yes suicide or stuff) always remember there are few people in this world who can not live without you So why punishing them for you failures. And anyway no bitch is ever worth dying for, bloody dump him/her!

By the way did you read emotional blackmailing is your failure as the victim is always willing to be blackmailed! Yeah, you heard it right In order for emotional black mail to work there has to be a willing victim (A person who is willing to sacrifice his principles, values, goals or boundaries to ‘ keep the peace’ and give in to the demands. Victims are always the persons who have compassion or pity on blackmailer and willing to go extra mile for them. This vicious cycle of giving in results in low self esteem and generally they are afraid to stand for them for various reasons!

So dudes! Seriously It’s not that women are not black mailed but I am just focusing on your problem. So try not to give in to emotional blackmailing for reasons. Always remember the person who loves you will never ever black mail you or put pressure on you.  Their(parents, wife, girlfriend or who so ever it concern) presence in your life would always bring positivity in your life. You will only turn into a better person than already you are and they will always be willing to sacrifice for you without asking. People you love should be your strength not your weakness.

LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR STRENGTH IN ACCOMPLISHING YOUR GOALS!

 

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