Indian society is nothing but hypocrite. And marriages are nothing but a risk, may be a joke? At one side we claim it to be a relationship of past 7 births and at one side we take it rather lightly. Marriages are still word to mouth affair in our society where everybody else’s opinion matter more than the bride and the groom.
We tend to find doctors, engineers, IAS officers for our daughters and pat ourselves for relating ‘happily ever after’ with the profession of the perspective groom. Rest of the doubts are cleared by matching kundalis. The superstitions take center stage while hooking up two persons supposed to walk forever and decide the course of their lives together.
These days we take thousand of screening tests and interviews even before hiring maids and how ironic we leave everything on luck and word to mouth recommendations for choosing our life partner?
Isn’t it a kind of joke?And why just daughters? Our beloved sons, whom we laden with hell lot of expectations in bargain of the extra attention that we shower upon them over daughters.
Expectation of living their lives according to our wishes (once they are married,not before), expectations to continue the bloodlines,expectations to look after the aging parents,expectations to fulfill everything that we could not and expectations to be a Aadarsh beta on whom the past seven generations can rely upon.
Don’t you think it’s harsh for any individual? We teach them to live upto the expectations, nothing less. And it reflects upon their decision making capacities when it comes to choosing the bride. Indian sons don’t choose brides for themselves but for their family.
How many of us bother about compatibility,similarity,hobbies,similar family values, blood groups,disease history,psychiatrist clearance,school/college records and hire detectives before getting married?
We still don’t rate the spark between two people more than the kundalis. Do we?Then Indian societies hate ‘love marriages’ too. The honor killings, dowries, highly incompatible pairs are all allowed but not the inter religious marriages based on mutual liking and respect where two adult persons decide to live with mutual consent.
Recently District Magistrate of Buxar ,29 year old Mukesh Pandey who was a Bihar cadre IAS officer of 2012 batch allegedly committed suicide by coming across a train leaving behind a suicide note ‘I am fed up of my life‘. Then in a video he claimed ‘while both my wife and parents love me a lot but I am fed up of the constant tussle between my wife and parents. Now this suicide is unique in a few aspects.
- He belonged to a very renowned Bihari family who were based in Guwahati. He ranked 14th in India’s toughest Exam UPSC. Even his brother is a IFS posted abroad.
- He got married in 2014 with aayushi who belonged to a wealthy business class family with a car showroom which is obvious as no middle class father can imagine to get his daughter married to UPSC officers in India where they are over-rated in marriage market.
- He was in stress and extreme pressure because of the constant conflict between two most important relationships of his life. The two relationships which were meant to understand his problems then making his life a constant tug of power control. he did not know where to confide and ended his life tragically.
The highest ranking official in a district who was supposed to manage the district affairs could not manage the tussle at his home between his wife and parents. UPSC selectors don’t consider these factors. Do they?His life was valuable and so were his responsibilities. People of India and government depend highly on these officials and so is the reason of toughest screening test which also evaluate their mental strength. And how do these officers usually marry?
Whosoever places the highest bid gets to marry an officer in India.
Both the sides are equally responsible for such obstructive association.
The groom side fix rates for their qualified son without understanding his individuality. But is there any guarantee that she would not torture their son and lend her unconditional love? Oops! Sorry it was a contract marriage where LOVE and sparkle is not evaluated. we kind of HOPE that love would blossom eventually. And still if you demand money ( known as dowry which is illegal) then stay away from their lives. You lost all your rights already. Now let him be at peace with the bride chosen by you. And as per the bride’s concerned, she already bought what you wanted why expect anything from her?The bride side sell everything (including their dignity and girl’s self respect) to associate with this overrated groom which would eventually provide them a status in the society than matching their girl’s personality. They based the vary foundation of this relationship on money not values now why do they expect their daughter or son in law to value their own relationship? After all it was profit vs loss not character and manliness. he could not stand for himself before his parents why do you think would stand beside your daughter? Now stay away!
Can you believe this highly intelligent 29 year old highest order officer committed suicide over domestic harassment? Why do we think harassment is a word related to female gender only?
My post aims to all those young men and women out there looking for a life-partner. We are living in a hypocritical society. Don’t put your 100% faith on your parents. Your parents are no Gods, they are subject of prejudices and insecurities plus they don’t know you, like you do.
Please both of you listen to your heart and mind before deciding about that one person. He/She is important. At the end of the day we all seek love. Love is the only purpose of this universe. Rest all falls in place.
It is very likely that two people in love whose relationship is based on mutual love and respect would surely lend their shoulder of support for each other. If they don’t respect their decisions. Everyone will manage their lives eventually but not you.
And if you are still a Mama’s boy and Daddy’s girl then please fulfill all your duties before getting married or don’t get married at all. Why dragging a person between that unconditional love between you and your family? It will only lead to chaos and destroy lives.
After marriages both generations should learn to move on!
Appeal to parents : We live in the ages of gender neutrality which means equal rights to both the genders. That also mean do not interfere into your kids families (be it your son or the daughter) . Treat your Bahus with equal respect as you treat Damads. After all you loved your sons and daughters both. What is wrong in respecting the daughter in law? Respect their privacy,space and decisions. Yes, it is their family now and you have no rights there. Accept it. Do not impose yourself. If your values were right,you will never be disappointed.Appeal to young men and women:Both of You had enough time with your mum and dad. Now keep them aside, start a new life. Never indulge third person in your problems. Do not marry over hidden intentions,insecurities or greed. Be completely honest.
Learn to say No! Learn to stand for you! Learn to lead your life according to you!
Seek love into relationships,not stability!