From very early in life we all are made to believe that the society we live in has its own set of rules, and like everyone else you too need to follow them. We think, dress, eat and behave the way we are taught to. ‘Marriage’ too is something we Need to do. And because what we see makes up our thoughts and beliefs, we get married believing it is the ultimate societal responsibility of every man and woman. Most of us get married thinking that it is a beautiful relationship, full of things we longed for: love, companionship, intimacy, friendship etc. but just like life, marriage ain’t perfect too. It isn’t a fairy tale or a storybook with a happy ending. Every relationship has its own set of problems, so does marriage, but because we are so attached to our spouse, emotionally, mentally and physically, that it becomes the most important relationship for us.
Marriage is work, it involves overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, holding on and also move on.
But then sometimes the marital problems grow so much, it seems difficult to decide if the fight to maintain the relationship is worth it or not. Here are a 10 signs that your marriage might be in trouble. If you have the same concerns, you must not ignore them anymore.
The arguments remain the same
The issues that you fight about seem so petty and little when you think about them, but they remain. And every time you fight, you bring the same issues, the same arguments and the same bitterness.
When you both spend more time with yourself than with each other
Avoiding each other purposely is a big sign. You prefer to spend time on social media, your friends, being out of the house just to avoid talking to your spouse, because you know you are going to end up fighting.
There’s a lack of trust
Checking each other’s phones, e-mails, keeping a tab all the time on what your spouse is doing, wearing or going, shows the lack of trust among st you both. You start keeping secrets which becomes something very difficult to repair.
You blame your partner for your loneliness and unhappiness
You generally stay unhappy or aloof of things around you and for this you blame your spouse. For all the wrong decisions you made in Life, your failures you hold him/her responsible. There is always a grudge boiling inside.
Keeping quiet seems a better option than speaking out
Long gone are the times when you used to sit for long just chatting with each other, but now for every little conversation, first you need to think of the outcome of what you are going to say.When you know that even if you share your heart’s feelings your spouse is not gonna understand, rather he/she is going to blame you for what has happened, staying mum appears to be a much better option. obviously it ends up making you feel alone
You fight in front of friends ,family or kids
If you can easily and openly blame or name call your spouse in front of friends, family or even children. The children suffer the most when their parents fight but both the partners don’t acknowledge it. Its a very dangerous sign. This ‘I don’t care what others think’ attitude is indeed alarming.
Being together is not enjoyable
When you feel that there are no common interests or things that you both can do together, and even if you try to do something that may have brought you closer, it ends up in fighting again. Also, You are happy when your husband or wife is away Rather than missing your partner it feels more like a treat when he/she isn’t around. You feel relieved that you’ve got a break from all the fighting and enjoy the alone time.
You have sex but don’t make love
Sex is no more an act of love, you indulge in it just as an urge to satisfy your physical needs. Kissing, Hugging and cuddling are generally missing.The passion and love is long gone and it’s just sex between the husband and wife.
You purposely say things that you know will hurt, you don’t fight fair
When you know that what you are about to say is going to be very hurtful but still you say it. You don’t apologize for it either, rather feel happy or victorious when you do it. Relationship weigh less than fear of losing the argument.
When you forgive but don’t forget
You tend to forgive your spouse for what he/ she has said or done, but you don’t really forget it. You keep it in your heart and use it to blame him/ her all the more the next time you fight.
If you have just one or two of these signs in your marriage, you might be one of the lucky ones, if you score between three to five, it still is a workable situation. But if in case your score exceeds that, its time for a reality check also even a couple therapy is not a bad option if you want to hold onto your marriage. Also if you hardly have any of these signs you are among the luckiest ones. Cherish what you have! Only when you acknowledge the problem you’ll be able to work towards a solution.But is there a solution or are you past that stage? This question must have come to your mind a lot of times. One of the hardest things in life is to decide whether to walk away or try harder, and only you can answer that for yourself! Remember, there is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough. Never allow your happiness to depend solely on a relationship.
DIVORCE ISN’T SUCH A TRAGEDY. A TRAGEDY IS STAYING IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE, TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN THE WRONG THINGS ABOUT LOVE. NOBODY EVER DIED OF A DIVORCE – Jennifer Weiner, Author
It is Not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your Happiness a priority.At the end of the day, you can either focus on whats tearing you apart or focus on whats keeping you together.
Article written by Sumity Sahi